Funeral Etiquette

What to wear

When in doubt, choose conservative clothing that shows respect for the family. Black isn’t always necessary, but try to avoid bright colors or flashy patterns. Men typically wear suits or slacks with a collared shirt, while women often choose a dress, skirt, or pants with a blouse. In some cases, the family may request specific attire, such as casual clothing or something that reflects the personality of the deceased. Different communities and religions have unique customs and it can be helpful to ask about any special considerations beforehand. We are happy to answer your questions and direct you to resources for specific traditions.

Arriving at the funeral

It is respectful to arrive at least 10-15 minutes before the service begins. This allows you to find a seat and settle in before the ceremony begins. If you arrive late, try to enter quietly and take a seat near the back to avoid disrupting the service. Be mindful to silence your cell phone and refrain from using any electronic devices during the service.

Paying your respects

At services with an open casket, you may choose to view the deceased and spend a moment in silent reflection. This is entirely an option, so do what feels comfortable to you.

Offering condolences

If you have the opportunity to speak with the family, you can offer your sympathy with an embrace or a handshake. Feel free to talk about the deceased if it seems appropriate - sharing memories can help the grieving process. Avoid asking too many personal questions or talking for an extended period. The family may be overwhelmed, so brief, sincere words are usually appreciated.

How to act

After offering condolences, it is appropriate to have quiet conversations with other attendees. You do not need to stay longer than you are comfortable, your presence alone is meaningful to the family. Funerals are emotional, and it is natural to grieve. Don’t worry if you or others cry. However, if you are feeling overwhelmed, it is best to step out briefly to avoid adding strain to the family.

Signing the register

Sign the guest book using your full name so the family can recognize you later. You may also include how you knew the deceased, such as through work or social connections.

Flowers and gifts

Sending flowers, donating, or giving a memorial gift are thoughtful ways to show you are thinking of the family. Even the simplest gestures can offer great comfort when words fall short.